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“The truth will set you free, it may also set
another person off.”
~ Suzanne Kilkus ~
THE
POWER OF NO
I’m wondering if you realize how powerful it can
be to say NO? Far too often we say yes because we don’t want to face the
imagined or real consequences of saying no. We tell ourselves we don’t
want to hurt or upset the one asking. Yet NO is far more noble when it
tells the truth.
Think about what it is like for you when you ask
someone to be there at 8 p.m. and they say yes. 8:00 p.m. comes and goes
and at 8:30 p.m. they show. What you discover is their yes did not mean
yes. Their yes meant NO based on their behavior.
Why did they say yes? They didn’t want to hurt
your feelings. How crazy is that?Their behavior hurt your feelings, or was
disturbing, or was disruptive.
If you mean no . . . say no . . . and do no.
Perhaps you don’t know how to say no, or you don’t
think you have a right to say no. Maybe you have been taught to think that
if someone wants then it’s your job to give.
It may be you lack skills to negotiate what you are
willing to give, capable to give, and wanting to give, versus what is
being asked of you. We each are afforded the dignity of a process that
allows us to say yes, or no, or negotiate a viable alternative for both
parties, a.k.a. win/win solution.
It IS possible what is true for you may trigger
upset in the other person. Yet you give them a great gift by telling the
truth. If they asked you to do something and you are not available they
can now find someone else.
If they ask you to show up at 8 p.m. and you don’t
show up until 8:30 everyone loses. They are not getting what they asked
for and they could have asked someone else.
Which is worse:
- they ask -- you say no -- they have to deal with
finding an alternative?
- they ask -- you say yes -- and don’t show up?
Telling the truth is a gift of freedom. It frees you
to live authentically, and it frees the other person to find another way
to get what they want.
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It is worth wondering what kind of harm can be done
by not telling the truth because you don’t want to upset someone (or
yourself). If you want a list of 36 reasons people use for not telling the
truth, click
here to receive a downloadable pdf.
What about you? Are you willing to turn that finger
around and ask yourself, "How did I Create, Promote or Allow this
incident?" If you are, you may find your life is transformed. Because
no matter what happens, you can now use it to learn about yourself and
grow.
QUICK LINKS:
COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
Copyright 2009 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2009 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design. All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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