“You cannot transform what you do not embrace.” 
   ~ Leslie Karen Sann ~

ICk

Have you ever ICked yourself? Self-ICking occurs when that voice of the Inner Critic (something that lives in each of us) gets the upper hand. The Inner Critic is that nagging, undermining, critical voice that is determined to keep us in our comfort zone.

The Inner Critic — nicknamed ICk because it helps us feel ICky — is the voice we all have in our heads that keeps up the running commentary on what's not working and second-guesses all we do.

The Inner Critic is the one who jumps in and says, "Who do you think YOU are going for YOUR dreams?" "Do you think you are better than the rest of us?" And so on.

Does this sound familiar?

You can’t make the ICk happy. No matter what you do your ICk will tell you you're wrong. Even if you did what it says you should, s/ he’ll tell you you didn’t do it right, or good enough, or whatever.

I wonder how much creative energy, energy that could be invested in your dreams, goals and desires, do you think is undermined, wasted, misused because of this Inner Critic?

A key to liberating yourself from the ICk is to realize you are NOT the voice. The voice is a conditioned part of the mind programmed by the SHOULDers in your life. The SHOULDers are all the grownups who were doing their best to keep you safe by telling what you ‘should’ do, or how you ‘should’ behave and thus making sure you didn't stand out in the crowd — after all, what would the neighbors think? And so you were trained to follow the rules and be well-behaved.

Thus the Inner Critic attempts to make you acceptable to others by criticizing and correcting before others can criticize or even reject you.

In reality the Inner Critic has a positive intent of sparing you pain, shame and embarrassment. S/he wants you to succeed, to be liked and accepted by other people.

Since the Inner Critic comes from our survival brain, it works with what is familiar. The unknown is perceived as dangerous.

Any original thought or creative idea will look scary to the ICk.

To be a person who lives by design rather than by default is to be a person who has mastered your relationship with this Inner Critic.

The path to mastership begins with realizing you cannot transform what you do not embrace. Learn to recognize your ICk's voice. Be aware s/he is there. Remind yourself you are not that voice.

If you are anything like me, there are many, many voices in your head. ICk's voice is one of many. YOU get to decide which voice to invest in.

Also, realize the voice has a positive intent. In a distorted way it is trying to look out for you. See if you can find the gift in the message.

Whenever we receive feedback from anyone, it is easy to dismiss the valid info if the messenger is a poor communicator. That's like throwing away the whole gift because you don't like how it was wrapped and delivered. Learn how to recognize what has value, the gift, and throw the box away.

Finally, train your Inner Critic to share its feedback with kindness. Learn to tame this part of you and you can transform it into an ally.

Unconditional -- Jennifer Welwood --

“each condition I flee from 
pursues me 
each condition I welcome 
transforms me 
and becomes itself transformed 
into its radiant jewel-like essence

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Copyright 2009 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
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leslie@living-bydesign.com

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Copyright 2009 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design. All rights reserved. 
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