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CLAIMING
AUTHORITY
I was talking with a friend over lunch recently. She
was sharing how she is not comfortable with responsibility. She either is
'over responsible' or she gets resentful about 'doing it all' and falls
into being 'under responsible'.
Having been the first born and told to 'be a big
girl and help your mother' starting at the age of 4, I have also struggled
with responsibility. I have tended to be 'over responsible', a hero type,
rescuing situations, making sure certain things happen and other things do
not.
And yet in other areas I have had an underdeveloped
sense of responsibility. Abdicating to circumstances rather than making
choices and taking action on my own behalf. So I too know the swing
between too much and too little responsibility.
But what is responsibility? The word itself is a
combination of two words: respond and ability. Responsibility simply is
the ability to respond. Which really is the ability to make choices and
take action.
When I am 'over responsible', I am not responding,
but I am reacting to my circumstances. I am either automatically taking on
not only that which is mine, but also doing for others, that which is
theirs.
Doing too much in service to others is actually a
way to be irresponsible to oneself, for when I am over involved with
another, I am not attending to my own needs and wants.
When I am 'under responsible' I am also reacting to
outer circumstance in a habitual way. I am setting it up for someone else
to rescue me, to take care of that which is mine to care for.
Notice how each end of the responsibility spectrum
has to do with something outside of me. I am either reacting by overdoing,
or reacting by not doing.
Healthy responsibility is the ability to respond to
circumstances by making choices and taking actions in service to my own
well-being. When we take responsibility, we are making conscious choices
and taking conscious action on our own behalf.
True responsibility has nothing to do with anyone
else, other than how we choose to respond to them. I make choices based on
my discernment of what is mine to do in any situation. The measure of that
is within me - not external to myself.
When I am in a balanced place of responding to my
life - I do not do what other people expect me to do - in order to please
them - nor do I rebel against their desires in order to thwart. I choose
because my choices and actions are the building blocks of my life, so I
respond to my life to create what I want.
This is claiming authorship of my life. To be truly
responsible is to claim authority over my life, to acknowledge that I am a
creative power through my ability to respond to what occurs.
I do what is mine to do and live with and learn from
the consequences of my choices. And then I choose again. And again. And
again. Thus authoring my life with my actions, and taking authority over
the circumstances I produce.
Responsibility is not about anyone else. It is not a
burden to endure. It is a gift of empowerment to choose, to act, to learn,
to act again. It's the ability to make a difference in ours lives, moment
by moment, choice by choice. Responsibility is the path of authorship,
claiming authority over our lives.
QUOTES
"There's no way we can blame other people
for our own well-being. You're in your body and I'm in mine and we're
responsible for them. If you don't exercise those responsibilities,
there's no need to blame somebody else for what's going on."
~ John-Roger
"Doing too much in service to others is
actually a way to be irresponsible to oneself."
~ Leslie Karen Sann
REQUEST
AND GIFT
I am writing a book on forgiveness. If you would
like to contribute you can do one or both of two things:
- ask me any questions you might have about
forgiveness, what is it, how to do it, why do it.....
- send me any story you may have about how
forgiveness, forgiving yourself or another has changed your life, even
in small ways.
Once I have received your questions or story I will
send you a link - and you can hear the audio of the interview I did on the
topic of forgiveness.
Thanks!
ANNOUNCEMENT
-- BELLY DANCING
Ready to have some FUN!
Saturday, June 3rd, 1:30 - 3:30
Carlene Mogavero (Isis Panthea) Master Belly Dancing
Instructor will be holding a special workshop at the Edward Health and
Fitness Center in Woodridge, IL
For info and to register call Jenny Moarn
630-646-7913
PRACTICALLY SPEAKING
- Scan your life as it is right now and notice any
areas that you are feeling 'burdened with responsibilities'.
- Now ask yourself how you set it up to be so
burdened. Did you say yes when you meant no? Did you offer when no one
asked?
- Ask yourself how you could shift things so that
you can ease the burden you created? Do you need to ask someone to do
something that is really theirs to do - but you were trying to 'help'
and put more on your plate than is yours to eat. Or do you need to let
certain things fall on the floor and let someone else pick them up -
for a change?
- Now scan your life and notice if there are any
areas where you feel oppressed by someone else's direction, or imposed
upon in some way
- Ask yourself how you set it up to be having this
experience? Did you abdicate to another? Did you fail to express your
wishes, wants, needs, desires? Did you say yes, when you meant no?
- Ask yourself how you could shift things so that
you can ease the burden you created? Do you need to speak up and
negotiate a new agreement? Do you need to take actions that you were
avoiding taking so as not to upset the cart? What can you do to
empower yourself and shift back into a place of healthy
responsibility?
WONDER QUESTION:
Are you willing to be the author of your life?
QUICK LINKS:
COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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