GIVING TO GIVE

We all have a hunger to be seen and met at our core. None of us has had all his or her needs met fully and completely when we were children. This is what it is to grow up human. And the space where we were not met is the area of our growth.

As adults we are given the task to complete and fulfill ourselves. It is ours to listen to the parts of us that yearn to be cared for and met in certain ways and find ways to meet those needs.

When we are little we are dependent on the big people to care for us. We learn to get our needs met by attracting the attention of our caregivers. Each caregiver will have his or her own personality so as children we adapt accordingly. Thus our universal need for attention will be asked for in a multitude of ways. One child might become 'the smart one', another 'the black sheep', another 'the comic', and so on.

Each of us knows the personality patterns we have developed over the years. These patterns are often developed to get our needs met. These are our strengths as well as our weaknesses. They serve us in our functioning. At the same time they often mask the essence of who we really are and our long standing yearning to be touched at our core goes unmet.

One of the opportunities of adulthood is to let go of the personality patterns that we developed to compensate and manipulate to get our needs met. Instead, we can learn how to authentically express and connect with self and others.

It's a great exercise to notice what motivates your actions. Are you giving to get, or are you giving to give? When we are giving to get, we are usually in a personality pattern that is blocking the expression of our genuine self. This pattern is a clue that we have an opportunity to ask directly for what we want, or find a way of giving it to ourselves.

The truest joy in life comes from giving to give. Showing up fully in our gifts and strengths and offering our gifts to others. Giving to give is akin to an overflowing vessel, giving the fullness of itself to those who wish to partake.

Asking yourself the question, "Am I giving to get? or giving to give?", will let you know if you are sourcing from lack or from abundance.

QUOTES

"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." 
  ~ Kahlil Gibran ~

PRACTICALLY SPEAKING

• Notice if you have an expectation to get from your giving. Do you give with an agenda?
• If so, appreciate that that is so.
• Ask yourself if you would like to shift to a more genuine approach?
• If the answer is yes, ask yourself what is the intention of your giving? What are you wanting to get from your giving?
• Now imagine asking for what you want directly. Or finding a way to obtain what you want for yourself.
• While you are practicing the direct approach, you may also want to develop another practice, the practice of giving to give.
• Give to give. That's it. No attachments, no expectations, no agendas. Give because you want to, because you have it to give, because you are full to bursting and want to give some away, because giving feels good, because the giving itself is what you get.

WONDER QUESTION:

What does it mean to you to give to give?

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Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
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leslie@living-bydesign.com

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Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved. 
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