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MANAGING YOUR MOODS
Part
3: Moving from Resentment to Acceptance
When we are in resentment, we are arguing with what
is. We are shoulding on the situation. Things or people should be behaving
differently than they are. Shoulding on ourself or others often creates
disturbance. (see http://www.living-bydesign.com/V2_5.htm).
When we are shoulding and creating resentment, we
are sitting in the victim chair. Something happened and we don't like it.
We're resentful because we are not getting what we want.
Playing the victim is not fun. The victim is dis-empowered.
The victim sees no options. The victim is stuck in the role of victim.
If we want the situation to be different, we need to
shift off the victim position. Often we need only to examine the story we
are telling ourselves to discover that our upset is unfounded.
Sometimes, though our upset might be well-grounded.
In this case we have choices. Awareness of CHOICE and TAKING ACTION on our
choices is part of what moves us out of resentment. We are no longer the
victim but are taking action to make a difference in our lives. Conscious
action almost always serves empowerment.
Actions to consider when stuck in resentment:
- We can MAKE A COMPLAINT and REQUEST that the
other person promise not to act in the same way again. We can also ask
for a compensation for what has happened in the past. It serves to
remember that a complaint is made in order to overcome the resentment,
not to feed it. It also serves to remember that a request is open
ended. The other person has the freedom to decline, accept, or
negotiate a different agreement than the one you requested.
I remember a time when I waited all day for the
phone company to show up as promised. They didn't. I made a complaint
and asked for compensation. They gave me a credit toward the
installation of my phones. That worked for me. Requests are powerful
actions to serve us in getting out of the victim chair and back into
balance with the situation.
- The action of FORGIVENESS is a big key to
overcoming resentment. Part of the forgiveness process is learning
from the experience, increasing our discernment, and deciding whether
or not the relationship serves us any longer.
How could any of us stay married, or develop long
term friendships and work relationships without forgiveness?
- We may also choose to CLOSE THE RELATIONSHIP
because we assess that due to:
- the degree of damage that has been produced
- the systematic reoccurrence of the actions
that produced the resentment
- the distrust that has developed;
that it serves us to choose to stop relating.
- If the relationship has been closed for us, if
someone else has decided to stop relating to us, we can choose to
ACCEPT the facts of the closure and look for opportunities to be
GRATEFUL for the way things are.
No matter what your choice, accepting what is,
looking for the gifts, and being thankful for the opportunities, learning
and growth, keep us out of resentment and in a place of peace and
openness.
QUOTES
"Forgiveness does not change the past, but
it does enlarge the future."
~ Paul Boese ~
"There are two primary choices in life: to
accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing
them."
~ Denis Waitley, Author and Speaker ~
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a
matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be
achieved."
~ Jeremy Kitson ~
PRACTICALLY SPEAKING
Take time to pay attention to your focus and energy
throughout the day. Notice when your energy contracts and observe what
internal self-talk is occurring at that time.
When you notice yourself stuck in an inner
conversation that is feeding resentment, arguing with what is, judging the
experience you are having, ask yourself, "What action can I take to
move me out of resentment and into freedom?"
First discern if there is a request to make to deal
with the complaint you are having. If so, make that request with the
intention of bringing balance to the situation.
Next decide if forgiveness is an appropriate action
to free up your energy so you can be present right now in your life.
And finally, ask yourself if based on the quality
and quantity of disturbance experienced, in the face of previous action
taken on your part to rectify the situation, would it serve you to close
this relationship. If so, decide what you need to do to bring it to a
closure in a way that works for you and all parties concerned.
WONDER QUESTIONS:
Are you willing to take the actions necessary to
move you from resentment to acceptance to freedom?
QUICK LINKS:
COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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