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MANAGING YOUR MOODS
Part
1: Turning Resentment to Acceptance
Moods are defined as a predisposition to action. For
example if you are in a depressed mood, you are not as likely to take
action than if you are in a mood of excitement.
Learning how to manage our moods is a useful life
skill.
There is a model of moods I want to share with you,
as it has served me well, and many of my clients find it useful.
Draw a large square on a piece of paper. Divide it
vertically in half. Divide it horizontally in half. Now your square
contains four smaller squares. Above the top left square, write the word
FACTS. Above the top right square write the word POSSIBILITIES.
That is what IS in this world. Facts and
possibilities. It is a fact I am female, and am almost 5'3" tall on a
good day. It is a fact I live in Illinois and was born in New York. It is
a fact that when I was 9 years old my swimming instructor wanted to train
me for the Olympics. It is a fact that my mother said no.
It was a possibility at 9 years old that I could
have been a contender for the Olympics. At my current age that is no
longer a possibility. But it is possible for me to train for a triathlon,
if I so choose. There are other possibilities open to me even though
others have closed.
Occurrences from the past are now facts, yet there
are many possible ways to interpret those facts. But facts are facts.
Any questions?
Okay.
Now, on the left side of your box, to the left of
the top square write OPPOSE. Great. Now on the left of the lower left box,
write ACCEPT.
Those are two possible actions we can take in any
situation. We can OPPOSE or we can ACCEPT.
I'm sure you know what it is to oppose something. Go
against, argue with.
Imagine opposing a fact. For example a long while
ago I was shopping for a racing bike. I wanted a man's framed bike because
at that time they were better made. But as I have already revealed, I'm a
bit short (fact). And the bikes didn't fit me (fact). The bar was too high
for my body (fact). I was having a very difficult time finding a bike that
fit me (fact). And I was opposed to that fact. I argued with it. Told
myself I was being discriminated against. . . blah blah. And created a
mood of __________ .
Can you guess?
Have you done it?
Have you ever argued with what is, told yourself you
were a victim to the facts, and made yourself happy and motivated?
If you did, I want to know your secret.
When I did this I created a mood of RESENTMENT.
Resentment for me is a very unproductive place to
be, and not much fun. Also when I am in resentment, I am not as creative -
because creativity is about playing with possibilities.
The mood of RESENTMENT has to do with opposing the
facts or not coming to terms with what we cannot change. It is based on
the underlying story that we have been a victim of an injustice, that we
have right to something we did not get, that we deserve something better.
In the above example I deserved a bike that fit my body and I was being
discriminated against because of my leg length!
I wasn't having any fun searching for my new
bicycle, so what I did was I chose to accept the facts. In doing so I
found my mood shifted.
Think about it. When you accept what is, as it is,
what happens? What mood do you create? There is nothing you can do about
it and you give up fighting?
For me I find myself in a place of acceptance and
PEACE. If there is nothing I can do about it - why fight it?
Back to the box. In the top left square put the word
RESENTMENT. In the bottom left square put the word PEACE.
Huge key here for mood shifting. When you notice
yourself feeling resentful, you can ask yourself, "What am I
opposing?"
Then say aloud, "I accept ________." Say
it until you shift into acceptance.
Example: "I accept I have not found a bicycle
that fits my body."
In acceptance we come to terms with what is
unchangeable. We accept the facts. We have peace with what cannot be
changed.
Acceptance is not a passive action. On the contrary.
Acceptance allows us to concentrate our energy and focus on actions that
could change our future. It therefore is an action of power.
More about acceptance in the Part 2 of this series.
By the way, once I relaxed into acceptance, I came
across a Japanese made bicycle that fit me!
QUOTES
"Resentment is a poison you drink, hoping
the other person will die."
~ Pia Melody ~
"We cannot change anything unless we accept
it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
~ Carl Jung ~
"It is important to remember that you do not
have to agree with something to accept it. You can disagree with the
situation and still accept that that's the way it is."
~ John Roger ~
PRACTICALLY SPEAKING
- When you notice you are grumpy about something,
ask yourself, "What am I fighting?"
- Once you uncover the argument, challenge yourself
to accept things as they are. "I accept that ____ ."
- Remember acceptance doesn't mean you agree with
the situation, condone it, or support it. It just means you accept it.
- Continue to say "I accept ____ ," until
you find that whatever it is that WAS disturbing you no longer is a
bother. "I accept ____," is as neutral to you as, "I
accept that today is Thursday."
- Time to change your focus. Ask yourself,
"Now what?" See if you can uncover actions that will support
a preferred future.
WONDER QUESTION:
- Are you willing to harness the power that comes
with acceptance?
- Can you imagine moving with what is, rather than
opposing it? (Think of an ant telling an elephant to move.)
QUICK LINKS:
COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2006 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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