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LIVING BY DESIGN NEWSLETTER
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
V5, #2
January 26, 2005
IN THIS ISSUE
When
You Forget, Forgive
Quotes
Practically Speaking
Wonder Questions
WHEN
YOU FORGET, FORGIVE
Powerful People Make Things Easy (Part 22)
(This article is a continuation of a series
about our personal power to create the life we want)
Have you ever done something you wish you hadn't?
Have you ever spent moments regretting past actions? Have those moments
ever extended into days, weeks or even years?
Would you like to know a secret? There are no
mistakes, no errors. Really. The only mistake is thinking you made a
mistake.
There are only opportunities for growth and
learning. Yet we have been taught that we're suppose to know how to do
everything perfectly without ever having learned how to do it. If we make
a mistake we think there is something wrong with us.
Did you know how to walk when you were born, or did
you have to learn? Did you learn as soon as you were born or did you need
to wait until your body was ready? And the first time you attempted
walking, were you successful or was the learning process one of trial,
error, and adjustment?
Trial, improvement, excitement, trial, falling down,
getting up, going at it again, etc. until you were competently walking.
What if, after your first attempt at walking
resulted in a fall, you sat down with your arms crossed, cried and then
stubbornly refused ever to make another attempt again? What if you judged
yourself incompetent? What if you kept telling yourself how bad, awful,
stupid, and uncoordinated you were? What if you told yourself you would
never, ever do that again because it was too embarrassing? And finally,
what if you told yourself that you were not worthy of any compassion or
loving because you had fallen down?
Pretty silly, eh?
Well sometimes we are silly in ways that hurt
ourselves because we forget that life is a learning process and that we
are continually in the process of discovering new things.
So what can you do when you find yourself stuck in a
pattern of self-judgment based on past action? Forgive yourself. It really
is that simple.
As we let go of feeling guilty about past actions,
we can see the opportunities to do it differently next time. And the way
to let go of the guilt is to forgive yourself for any judgments you may
have placed against yourself.
Now I'm going to give you a magic formula for
forgiveness. Let's take the case of the child in the process of learning
how to walk and falling. The child would say to itself:
...I forgive myself for judging myself as clumsy.
...I forgive myself for judging myself as stupid. ...I forgive myself for
judging myself as imperfect. ...I forgive myself for judging myself as
unlovable. ...I forgive myself for judging myself as....etc....
The secret is to forgive yourself for the judgments
placed against self, not the action. The action was one of learning. It is
the judgments that hurt us.
Use the the magic formula ...I forgive myself for
judging myself as________ and allow whatever words or feelings present to
be expressed. You may be surprised at what shows up. Don't think about it,
just let it happen.
Notice the word as in the magic formula. You are not
stupid, unworthy, unlovable...therefore you forgive yourself for judging
yourself as those things.
Now the next step in this process is to acknowledge
and appreciate yourself. This time the child learning to walk would say:
...I appreciate myself for my willingness to try new
things. ...I appreciate myself for the strength of my body. ...I
acknowledge the improvement in my coordination. ...I acknowledge myself
for figuring out how to shift my weight. ...I appreciate myself for
...etc....etc..
Keeping going until you feel an upward surge of
energy.
Those of us who expect perfection end up not taking
action, because inaction assures us there won't be mistakes. Instead, if
your focus is on learning no matter what - especially sourced from a clear
desire to enrich life for yourself and others - mistakes are no longer
seen as mistakes but as mis-steps along the path of learning and growth.
And when you forget - and you fall back into the
habit of self-judging - forgive!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Related Articles:
Forgiveness Opens the Heart
More on Forgiveness
Life is a Classroom
Learning from Mistakes
Declare Yourself a Beginner!
Course Correcting
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QUOTES:
"Mistakes show us our limitations and guide
us to growth."
~ Marshall Rosenberg ~
"Nothing stands outside your loving. You
love your mistakes along with your successes. You love the down times as
much as the up times. In other words, you love yourself through
everything, and your effort goes into loving."
~ John-Roger ~
"You can't fall out of bed if you sleep on
the floor."
~ Proverb ~
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PRACTICALLY SPEAKING:
- Center yourself. Move into your observer.
- Remind yourself that who you really are is a
loving essence.
- Allow yourself to explore the situation which has
triggered your upset.
- Accept your feelings and the disturbance you are
experiencing.
- Explore any judgments you may have placed against
yourself, another, or the situation. Remember that you are not your
thoughts, feelings or behavior.
- Move into the action of forgiveness:
"I forgive myself for judging myself as . .
.
"I forgive myself for judging _____ as . . .
- Be thorough in your forgiving. Evidence that you
are complete is an upward shift in energy. Use your intuition as a
guide.
- When the release is complete, forgive yourself
for forgetting you are divine and then ask yourself: What can I
appreciate about this? What gift of learning have I received? What am
I grateful for?
- Conclude with the questions:
- Now what? What next?
- and move yourself into self care actions of
support and loving.
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WONDER QUESTIONS:
- Are you willing to be a compassionate and loving
friend to yourself?
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COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
c Copyright 2005 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2005 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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