LIVING BY DESIGN NEWSLETTER
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
V4, #19
November 4,  2004

IN THIS ISSUE

Energized or Drained -- You Have the Power 

Quotes

Practically Speaking

Wonder Questions

ENERGIZED OR DRAINED -- YOU HAVE THE POWER
Powerful People Make Things Easy (Part 17)

(This article is a continuation of a series about our personal power to create the life we want)

When we are feeling stuck - ineffective - out of control - it is usually because we are focusing on things we cannot change or control. When we shift our attention to things that we can influence, we move back into the flow of our power, our ability to make things happen.

We often dissipate our creative energy, focusing on the 'things we cannot change', thus draining ourselves, and having little left to invest in what we can do.

Some of the things we cannot control are:

• the past 
• our feelings 
• random thoughts 
• other people's feelings 
• the future 
• other people's choices and actions

Getting involved in these areas can wear us out. They also lead to power struggles in relationships.

We can fruitfully involve ourselves in:

• doing those things we want to be doing
• communicating authentically to our self and to others
• taking actions in the present that will lead to a desire outcome in the future
• feeling our feelings fully and completely
• openly listening to other people as they reveal what is true for them
• making decisions that support who we are and what we want
• redirecting our thoughts in more positive, self-supporting directions
• letting go of the past by harvesting the gift and throwing the package it came in away
• making requests

The second list requires a level of maturity and responsibility (as in ability to respond). We often use the first list to distract from the personal power the second list affords.

For fun, look at the following. Choose the answer that gives you the most leverage, influence, and personal power in the situation:

1. Wow, I feel so bad about what happened yesterday. I'm so mad at myself. 

2. Hmmm, I wonder how I can love myself as I am right now. I wonder how I can accept what is, and appreciate the learning yesterday has given me.

1. I am tired of you showing up consistently late. If you cared about me and our relationship you would not treat me that way! 

2. In the future, I am going to wait for you for fifteen minutes past our appointed meeting time, and then I am going to leave.

1. Quit your complaining!
2. I wonder how I invite you to complain when we are together?

1. I do not have a right to feel angry. He did not do it on purpose. 
2. Wow, I am noticing a tightness in my shoulders and in my jaw and that I am feeling angry. I think I will take a walk and move with this energy and discover what is going on with me.

1. You're so argumentative. 
2. I love you too much to argue.

1. Don't cry! 
2. Tell me more about it.

1. Stop yelling! 
2. I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.

1. Wow, I just thought about jumping out a window to see if I could fly. I better make an appointment with a doctor. Something is clearly wrong with me. 
2. Wow, I just imagined jumping out the window and being able to fly. I wonder if that is what motivated Leonardo in his desire to invent an airplane? I wonder what I can do that will feel like flying to me?

I made it easy - A's were from list one, B's were from list two. Did you notice the difference? Which do you prefer?

Next time you are struggling in your life, ask yourself, "Where is my focus?" Am I focusing my energy positively on the things I can influence? If the answer is no, shift your focus. If the answer is yes - way to go!

Top of Page

QUOTES:

"Finish each day and be done with it . . . You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely." 
   ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

"Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." 
   ~ Viktor Frankl ~

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes." 
   ~ Charles Swindoll ~

"If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control - myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. I can focus on being a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support." 
   ~ Steve Covey ~

Top of Page

PRACTICALLY SPEAKING:

• Write down a person, issue, situation with which you have been struggling.
• Ask yourself how are you relating to it?
• Ask, "Is this something I have control over?"
• If, not, ask yourself how you can better relate to the situation. For example, if the situation is in the past, is there a more empowering way for you to context the situation? If the issue involves someone else's behavior, is there a way you can represent yourself more authentically to that individual?
• Notice what shifts inside of you as you focus your attention, actions, and choices where you have control and influence.

WONDER QUESTIONS:

• Where are you focusing your attention? Does this focus drain you or enliven you?
• What is it you really want?
• Are your choices and actions moving you to your desire.
• If not, what can you shift in order to stand more firmly inside your personal power?

Top of Page

COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION

c Copyright 2004 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com

Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:

Copyright 2004 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved. 
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com