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LIVING BY DESIGN NEWSLETTER
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
V4, #18
October 21, 2004
IN THIS ISSUE
The
Power of Your Words
Quotes
Practically Speaking
Wonder Questions
THE
POWER OF YOUR WORDS
Powerful People Make Things Easy (Part 16)
(This article is a continuation of a series
about our personal power to create the life we want)
Words have power. They shape the experience of our
reality. We can become more conscious in the words we use and how we use
them.
Certain words can diminish our sense of power - our
ability to do. Other words can enhance our experience as a creative power
in our lives.
The word can't, for example, is one such word. It
means to be unable. Often what we are meaning is - I CHOOSE not to - I am
not willing to - I will not - I WON'T.
Recently a client was telling me that she can't get
out of bed in the morning. "I can't do it." I invite her to
experiment with me and she agrees. I suggest she replace can't with won't.
She tries it on. "I won't do it." I see something shift inside
her. She is becoming aware she is choosing. And her CHOICE has been to
stay in bed.
She says it again. "I won't." A smile
crosses her face. It feels good to have choice. It is empowering to see
our choices. Choices bring freedom.
The next week she plays with the awareness. Some
days she stays in bed, because she is not willing to get up, she won't.
Other days she gets out of bed, because she chooses to, she is willing.
Notice the difference inside of you when you declare
- 'I can't' versus 'I won't'. Which experience do you prefer?
Another word substitution that opens up our ability
to take action, thus increasing our personal power is replacing 'should'
with the word 'could'.
The word 'should' affords NO choice. There is only
one way to proceed. The word 'could' expands our reality and opens us up
to other possibilities. 'I should' carries a very different meaning than
'I could'.
Should is an imposition, a form we place on
ourselves or others. Could is a choice giver. Which experience would you
like to create for yourself?
Sometimes we diminish the influence we have on our
experience or it has on us by depersonalizing what occurred through our
description. We diminish our power, our ability to impact our reality,
when we use the word 'you', when describing our personal reality.
For example - try this on - say aloud, or silently
to yourself the following:
When you go to bed late and get only five hours of
sleep, you are grumpy the next day.
When I go to bed late, and get only five hours of
sleep, I am grumpy the next day.
What was the difference in the two sentences for
you?
For me, the communication is cloudy and confused
when I hear 'you' when what is meant is 'I'. In contrast, I find I am more
easily in relationship with myself, and with you, when I say it like it
is:
"When I don't get enough sleep I am grumpy. How
is it for you?"
We also remove ourselves from our reality and
therefore decrease our ability to make a difference by using the word 'it'
instead of the word 'I' when describing our personal reality.
"It was sad" is a very different statement
than, "I was sad." The first doesn't tell you anything about me.
It only tells you my opinion of the circumstance, an opinion that you may
or may not agree with. Perhaps for you "IT wasn't sad". Perhaps
you experienced IT was happy. Which really means you felt happy during the
experience.
When we say, IT was something, we use language to
set us up as a victim of circumstances. If IT was sad, then I feel sad
because of IT. If I was sad, then I felt sad, and that has to do with me,
which is the only place I have the ability to make changes.
IT separates us from our power. IT isn't, I AM. IT
didn't. I DID!
Words can diminish or enhance your ability to do,
your personal power. They can describe choices or limit options. Your
words are powerful. You get to choose which ones you use.
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QUOTES:
"It is not our ability that shows who we
truly are - it is our choices."
~ Albus Dumbledore ~
"Happiness is when what you think, what you
say,
and what you do are in harmony."
~ Gandhi ~
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PRACTICALLY SPEAKING:
Language shapes our reality.
- Begin to notice when you are saying you can't
when you mean you won't.
- Challenge yourself to tell the truth, that you
are not willing, you choose not to.
- Become aware of the thoughts that want to keep
you pretending that you cannot.
- Practice telling the truth about being not
willing, or are making other choices. For example, "I can't meet
you for lunch," may also be expressed, I have already scheduled
something else at that time.
- Challenge yourself to replace the word 'could'
with 'should'. Notice the difference inside of you. Do you become more
relaxed, at ease, excited, curious?
- Notice when you are depersonalizing your
experiencing by using the words 'you' instead of 'I', and the word
'it'. Replace those words and discover what occurs as you claim your
life as your own.
- Begin to play with the above suggestions.
Write to me and share what you discover!
WONDER QUESTIONS:
- What if you were the predominant creative force
in your life - whether you were claiming that power or not?
- How are you shaping your reality with your words?
- Are you ready to increase your personal power
through the simple shifts of claiming your experience with your words?
- Should you? - - - or - - - Could you?
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COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
c Copyright 2004 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2004 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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