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LIVING BY DESIGN NEWSLETTER
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
V4, #16
September 16, 2004
IN THIS ISSUE
Making
Your Requests More Powerful
Quotes
Practically Speaking
Wonder Questions
MAKING
YOUR REQUESTS MORE POWERFUL
Powerful People Make Things Easy (Part 14)
(This article is a continuation of a series
about our personal power to create the life we want)
Requests are magical. They make something happen
that probably wasn’t going to occur unless requested. If I ask you for a
glass of water and you bring me one, I now have a glass of water that didn’t
exist a moment before!
Requests are part of the creative process. They are
tools we utilize to manifest what we want. When we don’t ask - we don’t
get - either from others - or from our self.
They invent the future. If you ask your friend, “Let’s
go to the beach tomorrow”, you are now spending the day at the beach.
There are several components to an effective
request. It serves to pay attention to how you ask for what you want, so
you are more able to attain your outcome.
First there is the SPEAKER - that would be you. Then
there is the RECEIVER of the request - which is another person - or you
again - if you are making a request of yourself.
We make requests when SOMETHING is MISSING. Like a
glass of water in the first example, or a day of fun in the second.
Requests are about FUTURE ACTIONS. We are asking for
something that will happen in the future. Bringing a glass of water, going
to the beach, are future actions.
And, in order for your request to be as powerful as
possible, you must include a TIME component. WHEN DO YOU WANT YOUR REQUEST
TO HAPPEN? I want my water now, and I want to go to the beach tomorrow.
Have you ever had one of these conversations?:
“Joey, will you please clean up your room?”
“Sure.”
1 hour later:
“Joey, I thought you were going to clean up your
room.”
“I am.”
2 hours later:
“CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM!!”
“What are you getting all huffy about?”
What was missing in the original request was the
TIME component. “Will you please clean up your room, NOW?” is a
request that both parties can clearly understand.
It is also assumed the speaker is SINCERE about his
or her request. Have you ever made plans with someone, let’s go to a
movie, and on the day of the movie get a call from your friend to cancel?
Were they really sincere about going with you to a movie? Or were they
just filling their calendar until something better came along? You might
wonder, and be more cautious about making plans with this person in the
future.
When I make a request of you, I am assuming you are
COMPETENT to do what I ask. There is a PRESUPPOSITION OF COMPETENCE to
every request. I would not be making a powerful request to ask my 5 year
old neighbor to change the tire on my car.
Also, in my request-making I would be assuming a
COMMON BACKGROUND. In other words, if I asked you to get me water, I would
assume you knew I meant the filtered water and not the tap water. It would
be something that was in the background of our relating - that we drink
filtered water in our house.
Finally, I would make my CONDITIONS OF SATISFACTION
very clear. I remember a time when my upstairs neighbor was going away and
asked me to watch her dogs while she was gone. I agreed, assuming she
meant go to her place to feed them, take them out, and play with them. But
NOOooo. On the day of her departure she knocked on my door, dogs in tow,
beds, bowls, food.... Uh, what had I agreed to? Her conditions of
satisfaction were that her dogs stay with me while she was gone. I had
failed to get clear about this component and ended up with two dogs in my
house for too long.
To further illustrate CONDITIONS OF SATISFACTION: I
remember one day asking my husband if he would be willing to support me.
He enthusiastically answered, “Sure.” A few moments passed and I asked
him, “Do you know what I mean by the word support?”, realizing I
didn't even know what I meant. He paused and reflected and responded, “No.”
I withdrew my request knowing that I was setting us both up. I wasn’t
clear on my conditions of satisfaction, so how could he be?
Powerful people make powerful requests. Learning
these components and crafting your requests in a way that sends a clear
message about what you want, can dramatically change the way the world
responds to you. You might actually begin to receive what you ask for!
Become familiar with these components of asking and
see if you can become more effective in inventing YOUR future!
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QUOTES:
“Life is a do it yourself project.”
~ Dennis Waitley ~
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PRACTICALLY SPEAKING:
- Begin to notice if your requests are producing
the results you want?
- If so, notice how you are working your requests
to produce the outcome you desire. Give yourself a pat on the back and
learn from what is working.
- If not, become aware of what might be missing in
your asking. Learn how to make more powerful requests by developing
asking skills.
- Become aware of others making requests of you.
Are you saying yes to something undefined and agreeing to something
that is not clear to you (remember my dog sitting fiasco)?
- Learn to clarify the conditions of satisfaction
in all requests - the requests you make and the ones you respond to
with a yes.
WONDER QUESTIONS:
- Are you willing to have what you want?
- If so, are you willing to ask for it?
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COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
c Copyright 2004 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2004 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design.All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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