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With the past, I have nothing
to do; nor with the future. I live now.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
It Doesn't
Matter
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
Recently I had some elective oral surgery. I had a
tooth that apparently had been traumatized at some point in my life and
was doing this odd thing called reabsorption which means it was eating
itself from the inside out. Dentists don't know why this happens and also
don't know how to arrest the process. All that is to be done is to take
the tooth out. Not a fun idea but having my tooth break while enjoying a
meal was less inviting. So out the tooth went.
It turns out I'm not the only one who is having oral
surgery. In the next three weeks I ran into three other people in the
middle of oral surgery, one of whom was also dealing with a reabsorption
issue. Funny how that happens. Buy a new car and suddenly your very same
car shows up all over the place.
But that's not what this article is about. It's
about the fact that something happened during the surgery that was less
than optimal and rather horrifying to me when I heard the news. I was told
to wait three weeks until my mouth healed and the dentist could discern
the true consequence of the oops.
For those three weeks I had to pay attention to
where I was paying my attention. If I drifted into thinking about what the
doctor could have/should have done instead of what he did do, or what I
could have/should have done (in hindsight which is 20/20) I could make
myself miserable. It would have been very easy to scare myself, anger
myself, and make myself crazed on the way to the next dental appointment.
Instead I told myself, "It doesn't matter."
And it didn't. There was nothing I could do going
backward to change my current situation. Could have, should have, ought-tos
were worthless to me. It doesn't matter turned out to be an effective way
to come back into this moment here and now. Now is all I could participate
in. The future didn't exist, nor did the past. Future or past didn't
matter. Right now is all that matters.
My friend, Jan, is the one who gave me this gift.
She told me when thoughts show up telling her she could have done this, or
should have done that she gently responds, "It doesn't matter."
She was laughing when she told me. I was intrigued.
I encourage you to play with this. What about you?
What kind of propaganda is your mind promoting that in truth doesn't
really matter.
P.S. I was recently interviewed by CoachMatch. To
read more about changing relationships from the inside out go here: CoachMatch
Interview
NEW Living by Design PRODUCT:
The
Art of Spiritual Resilience
please check it out
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A Reader Shares a Win:
I came to see Leslie because I was feeling
distressed about my marriage, feeling that I had done damage to myself in
the course of "making it work". After working with Leslie have I
have worked through the decision of whether leaving the marriage was the
step I needed to take, and have decided it was not.
I have begun to learn how to experience my
uncomfortable emotional states without trying to "relieve" them,
flee them or avoid them. I have begun talking to my husband about things
we can do to help each other feel more loved and to contribute positively
to the relationship.
Talking this out with Leslie has opened my eyes to
the fact that I have created, allowed or contributed to a lot of my own
unhappiness and discontent. I have begun to change my thinking about what
is possible. I find that I am more open to people and more interested in
finding new ways to enjoy life.
I think the most valuable aspect of this work has
been to help me take responsibility for my own happiness.
Thank you so much Leslie. You are a wise and
generous woman.
~ M.S. ~
For More on Living by Design:
How
are you with the process of change?
Personal Coaching
Perhaps a personal coaching session with me could
support you in moving forward. leslie@living-bydesign.com. Building a
network of support is an important aspect of living by design.
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