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The whole is greater than the
sum of its parts.
~Aristotle
Harmonious
Differences
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
Couples come to me sometimes distressed because they
have been arguing and are concerned about it, convinced it means their
relationship is doomed and they'll never be able to get along. I assure
them disagreements are a natural occurrence in any relationship and are
inevitable. The reason is because no two people are the same. We each see
the world a bit differently, we have different rhythms of our needs,
different taste in music, movies, favorite kinds of food. We may even
struggle with finding agreement on how to tuck the sheets in on the bed.
Differences lead to disagreements, which is not a
problem. The only problem is thinking it is a problem. Even the best
relationships have disagreements and conflict. Avoiding disagreements is
an impossible endeavor and a waste of time and energy. Instead I encourage
you to use your creativity and focus on finding solutions.
Finding a harmonious way to resolve differences is a
key relationship skill. Harmony is the blending of two different notes to
produce a pleasant sound. A tapestry is created by weaving together from a
multitude of different colors, textures and patterns resulting in
something sustainable, enduring and useful. We can learn to do the same
thing in our relationships, weave our differences together in ways that
create something sustainable and lasting.
Most disagreements are solvable if you are willing
to focus on solutions and harmoniously blend your differences.
P.S. To
read more about changing relationships from the inside out go here: CoachMatch
Interview
NEW Living by Design PRODUCT:
The
Art of Spiritual Resilience
please check it out
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A Reader Shares a Win:
I came to see Leslie because I was feeling
distressed about my marriage, feeling that I had done damage to myself in
the course of "making it work". After working with Leslie have I
have worked through the decision of whether leaving the marriage was the
step I needed to take, and have decided it was not.
I have begun to learn how to experience my
uncomfortable emotional states without trying to "relieve" them,
flee them or avoid them. I have begun talking to my husband about things
we can do to help each other feel more loved and to contribute positively
to the relationship.
Talking this out with Leslie has opened my eyes to
the fact that I have created, allowed or contributed to a lot of my own
unhappiness and discontent. I have begun to change my thinking about what
is possible. I find that I am more open to people and more interested in
finding new ways to enjoy life.
I think the most valuable aspect of this work has
been to help me take responsibility for my own happiness.
Thank you so much Leslie. You are a wise and
generous woman.
~ M.S. ~
For More on Living by Design:
How
are you with the process of change?
Personal Coaching
Perhaps a personal coaching session with me could
support you in moving forward. leslie@living-bydesign.com. Building a
network of support is an important aspect of living by design.
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