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"'Tension is who you think you should
be,
relaxation is who you are.'
~ Ancient Chinese Proverb ~
Guilt:
Feedback or Self-Torture? by Leslie Karen Sann
We feel guilty for two reasons. The first reason is
the inner SHOULDer is on our case. It’s the voice that is continuously
on telling us what we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do. According to this voice,
there is one, and only one, right answer. If you choose something else --
well -- you’re wrong -- thus you feel guilty.
The way to find out if this is the cause of your
guilty feelings is to replace the word SHOULD with the word COULD. For
example: I should have called my mother last night, is now; “I could
have called my mother last night.”
If you hadn’t promised your mother you’d call,
then you could have called her and you didn’t. Guilt is optional as
there is nothing to feel guilty about.
BUT, if you had agreed to call and you didn’t, the
guilt is telling you that you are off course and you need to put in a
correction to come back into balance. You should have because you said you
would, and you didn’t. Off course. Replacing should with could isn’t
going to balance the energy. Taking a corrective action will. Perhaps a
call to mom to say, oops, forgive me, I didn’t keep my promise, will put
things back in order.
Check it out for yourself. If you’ve been
shoulding on yourself for no good reason, replacing should with could will
calm things down. Could is a word that is filled with possibilities. Yes
you could have, and you didn’t -- so what.
If things don’t calm down, then look to see if the
guilt is part of your inner feedback system letting you know you are off
course and need to make a correction to come back into balance and into
personal integrity.
QUICK LINKS:
COPYRIGHT/CONTACT INFO/REPRINT PERMISSION
Copyright 2010 by Leslie Karen Sann, Living by Design
Visit this link for contact information:
leslie@living-bydesign.com
Reprint permission granted in part or whole when the following credit appears in full:
Copyright 2010 by Leslie Karen Sann,
Living by Design. All rights reserved.
Web site. http://www.living-bydesign.com
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