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Expressing
Gratitude
by Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC
"Feeling
gratitude and not expressing it
is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
~ William Arthur Ward ~
There is a way to say thank you that goes beyond the
words, 'thank you.' Gratitude is a way to celebrate how the actions of
another have enriched your life.
Let me demonstrate what I mean. To me there is a big
difference in hearing,
"Thanks, you are terrific."
and
"I am inspired by how clear and calm you were
when things were chaotic around here yesterday. You showed me what is
possible. Thanks. You're terrific."
The second statement lets me know what about me the
person finds terrific and how my terrific-ness matters to them. I like
that. Notice how this sentence clearly and specifically expresses how I
made a positive difference. Making a positive difference is a basic human
need. It is nurturing to hear what kind of difference we make in the lives
of others.
How to Express Gratitude:
Focus on what specific action occurred that added
value to your life for which you feel grateful.
Example: My husband picked me up at the airport
after a long overseas flight.
How do you feel [in this moment] as you recall this
action (or as you are receiving this action)?
Example: I feel relieved, happy, and cared for.
How did this action care for you, what needs were
met?
Example: I felt loved, cared for and supported.
My gratitude might sound like:
"Thank you for picking me up at the
airport. I feel happy, loved, and cared for. You have made my world
easier and more relaxed today."
If I was choosing to be grateful to myself, I would
use the same tools. For example, I could say to myself, "Wow, I love
you Leslie." And that would feel really good. I like it when I share
my loving with myself.
And I could give to myself even more deeply by
saying,
"I really appreciate you for staying true
to your exercise commitment. I feel strong and vital. Moving that piece
of furniture was really easy. I love you Leslie. Thank you."
I encourage you to play with this. Challenge
yourself to be clear and specific when you share your gratitude with
others. Notice if it makes a difference to you, and to the other person. I
have found taking the time to be clear in this way deepens my experience
of gratitude. I'd love to know if this shift makes a positive difference
for you ;)
PRACTICALLY SPEAKING
Examples of Gratitude:
Thanks for the ride to the meditation circle
last week. I'm very grateful because my car is in the shop and no one
was home to take me. I couldn't have gone if you hadn't said yes.
Thank you for your ideas during the meeting. I
appreciate your contribution to the team.
I'm touched that you offered to watch your
sister because I'm tired and can use some rest. Thank you so much for
your help.
* EXERCISE:
- Recall an action by someone about which you feel
grateful.
- Write down your feelings in this moment (not how
you felt back then).
- Identify the needs of yours that were met
by the action.
*Thank you to Marshall Rosenberg, creator
of Non-Violent Communication. For more about NVC go here: Center
for Non-Violent Communication
For More on Living by Design:
Personal Coaching
Perhaps a personal coaching session with me could
support you in moving forward. leslie@living-bydesign.com. Building a
network of support is an important aspect of living by design.
A Reader Shares a Win:
I have found that taking the first action (step)
facilitates ease and gets me in motion. I am finding energy available for
me to use to create flow through action.
I am spending far less time worrying about what is
not done, because I'm in action - I am participating not avoiding! It's
very cool. ~ M.L. ~
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